


Dear God

by kittenofdoomage



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Drabble, F/M, General Romance, No Smut, Reader Insert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-01
Packaged: 2018-05-17 15:36:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5876362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittenofdoomage/pseuds/kittenofdoomage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Based off of the A7X song. Dean misses the reader.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear God

'Jesus, Dean.' Sam's voice was loaded with irritation as his older brother sat in the driver's seat of the Impala, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the window, his elbow against the glass and his hand against his cheek. His eyes were on the road, but his mind certainly wasn't. And Sammy had been quick to pick up on it. 'You're quiet this evening.'

'Hmm?' Dean dropped the hand from his cheek back to the wheel and glanced over at his brother, before sighing heavily and reaching over to turn the radio on. A slow melodic rock song filtered through the speakers, finishing only a few seconds later. The disc jockey started to speak but Dean didn't pay any attention to the words as Sammy scowled out of the windscreen, folding his arms across his chest. 'Sorry, Sammy.' Dean muttered, focusing back on the road.

'This is about Y/N, right?'

Another song started on the radio, and Dean's mind started to drift back to you as he heard the lyrics, combined with Sam's mention of your name.

“ _A lonely road, crossed another cold state line_  
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find  
While I recall all the words you spoke to me  
Can't help but wish that I was there  
Back where I'd love to be, oh yeah”

Sam sighed, shaking his head as he loosened his arms. 'You gonna talk about it or not?'

'I miss her, Sam.' Dean said, dropping his head a little, easing off the gas as the heavens opened and rain started to leave little splatter marks on the windscreen of the car. 'It's been three weeks and I can't stop thinking about her.' He thought back to you, where he'd left you in your apartment. You'd been sleeping when he'd finally slipped out, leaving nothing but a cowardly note saying that he couldn't put you in danger, even though in your brief time together, you'd insisted it was nothing. Maybe you weren't a hunter, but you were aware of what was out there in the world. Your grandfather had been a hunter, and he'd tried to teach your dad, but he'd gone off and found his normal life and normal family – until you'd tracked your granddad down as a teenager, and found yourself enthralled by the tales he spun.

It was only when you'd come face to face with a vampire that you'd decided maybe the hunters life wasn't for you. But you understood it. You knew how to salt and burn, how to ward yourself and protect yourself. Dean knew that you were aware of everything. You'd made it clear that you didn't care, because despite only having a few weeks with him whilst he worked a case in town, you'd fallen for him big time. And he'd fallen for you.

And it was that simple thing that drove him away. Dean Winchester loved you, and he didn't want to see you get hurt, or worse, _killed_ because of him.

'Then go back to her.' Sam replied simply and Dean shook his head.

'I can't. You know I can't.'

'What, because of this “she's in danger” bullshit?' Sam's expression was defiant as Dean swivelled his head sharply to stare at him. 'Yeah, I'm calling you out, Dean. It's bullshit and you know it.'

'Shut up, Sam. You don't know what you're talking about.' His mouth set into a thin line as he looked back to the road, knuckles white on the steering wheel.

“ _Dear God, the only thing I ask of you_  
Is to hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need that person who can be true to you  
But I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again, oh no...  
Once again”

'Oh, really? Because I don't live the same life as you right?'

'You've seen what happens to people I get close to. They die. Or they lose everything. I can't...' Dean pulled his hand to his face, pinched the bridge of his nose before exhaling sharply. 'I can't do that to her. She's too...she's too amazing. I couldn't destroy the person she is.'

'You wouldn't.' Sam insisted. 'I mean, Y/N isn't cut out to be a hunter, no. But she's smart, Dean. She's good at researching stuff. Look how she helped us out on that case! And she knows stuff. She's got all her grandfather's knowledge locked away. It's not like she isn't aware of the life herself.'

'That's not the point.' Dean didn't look at his brother, knowing he'd have those puppy dog eyes on. 'She'd be in danger every day with us.'

'People are always in danger, Dean. You just need to see that it's not from you.'

'It is. I'm poison, Sam.'

Sam scowled, shaking his head. 'You need to can it with this crap. You're not poison. Y/N loves you. She's probably pissed at you for running out on her without saying goodbye -'

'I left a note!' Dean defended, earning a scoffed pinch of laughter from his brother. 'Alright, fine, point taken. She's gonna be pissed.'

'But she loves you, and she'll forgive you. All you have to do, is turn the car around and go get her.'

“ _There's nothing here for me, on this barren road_  
There's no one here while the city sleeps  
And all the shops are closed  
Can't help but think of the times I've had with you  
Pictures and some memories will have to help me through, oh yeah”

Dean didn't reply, even as he saw the sign for the border of another state up ahead through the drizzle. Sam didn't push him anymore, allowing him the space for his own thoughts, and Dean sank into them, his mind just about concentrating on driving as he remembered seeing you for the first time.

_'Hi, I'm Y/N. How can I help you?' Your smile was brilliant, and Dean paused for a moment, forgetting who he was pretending to be as he stared at you. Thankfully, Sammy was there to take over the well-practised lines._

_'I'm Agent Hetfield, and this is Agent Ulrich. We're here about the recent incidents in town.'_

_Dean remembered himself, smiling a little tightly. 'Yes, we're just speaking to local residents, trying to find out if anyone saw the vics beforehand, if they were acting differently...'_

_You laughed then, putting the waitressing pad away in your apron, before glancing around. There were no other people in the adjoining booths, and you leaned in to the boys, smiling. 'Those badges are good, but it's so much harder to forge them these days, right?'_

_'Huh?' Sam asked, as his brother stared dumbfounded._

_'My Grandpa was a hunter.' You shrugged. 'It's not difficult to spot you guys. And there's been a few of you through here over the years.' You looked over your shoulder, seeing that it was quiet enough for you to take a break. 'Look, I didn't see any of the vics, but I've got some diaries from my grandfather that might help you.' You pulled the pad back out of your apron and scribbled something down before handing it to Dean. 'Here's my address. I finish at about six, if you head over to my place, you can have a look through the diaries.'_

_'O-okay.' Dean blinked, unsure of how to take this development. You were straightforward and brash, and it shocked him a little. Most people were clueless and dumb about the situations around them, but you seemed different from the get go. You smiled widely, before putting your pad away._

_'How 'bout a couple burgers? On the house, Agents?' You didn't wait for an answer, and turned, practically bouncing towards the till. Sam blinked, and looked at his brother._

_'Did that really just happen?' He asked, and Dean shrugged._

_'I don't know. Think we can trust her?'_

_'She seems genuine enough.' Sam said, eyeing you from behind. 'I guess we can find out. She's certainly...perky.'_

_'That's one word for it.' Dean replied._

You had been more trustworthy than any person he'd known, save from Sam and Bobby and a select few others. It had been a long time since Dean had been able to make new friends, let alone anything else, but the second he'd set foot into your apartment he'd felt more at ease and at home than he had in years, even with the recent discovery of the bunker. It hadn't taken long for him to shoo Sam off to follow up some leads whilst Dean stayed and worked through the old diaries with you. Turned out, your grandfather had known Henry Winchester briefly, back in the day, and knew of the Men Of Letters. But he'd been a hunter, and not too inclined towards the scholars of old. He did keep meticulous diaries though, something he'd left to you when he'd passed on.

'Dean, you can't just ignore her forever. Has she text you or anything since you left?'

'Changed my phone number, remember?' Sam's question stung, and Dean wondered how many messages you had left. He had the old sim card for his phone, it's likely he could check, but he didn't want to. He didn't want to think of how badly he'd hurt you by leaving.

“ _Dear God, the only thing I ask of you_  
Is to hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need that person who can be true to you  
I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again, oh no...  
Once again”

'There's a Motel 7 up ahead.' Sam pointed out, and Dean nodded. 'Maybe we should get some shut eye for the night.' His brother didn't reply, but he took the turning for the motel, pulling the Impala into a parking spot. He didn't turn the engine off straight away, and Sam looked at him with concern.

'You go in and get a room. I'll wait here.' He didn't return Sam's gaze, and after a few seconds, the younger Winchester slipped out of the car, heading into the reception. Dean sat, listening to the radio, his thoughts not even in the Impala, but miles away, with you, wondering what you were doing.

_'So you lived here all your life?'_

_'Whole family has.' You replied, eyes flashed as they considered the hunter before you. 'My dad wasn't much for the hunting game, despite my grandpa trying to get him into it. It was what killed my dad's mom so he was never very enthusiastic. Said he wanted the normal life – kids and all that.'_

_'He still around?'_

_You shook your head. 'My mom died a few years ago – cancer.' Your tone was sad, and Dean sympathised. He knew what it was to lose your parents. 'My dad wasn't the same after. He drank a lot and eventually...it got him. His heart gave out. He tried to push through it, but he couldn't live without her.' You smiled sadly. 'I guess, when your other half gets taken away, it's hard to keep going. Sometimes I wish he'd have fought harder for me, but,' You looked up as Dean reached out, putting his hand over yours. 'I was a grown up by then, right? Can't be Daddy's little girl forever.'_

_'Guess not.' Dean said, smiling in empathy. 'I, er, well, me and Sam – we lost our parents too.'_

_'I'm sorry.'_

_'It's been a long time.' He said, beginning to pull his hand away, but finding it suddenly entrapped in your fingers. 'I was four when our mom was killed. By a demon. That's what got Dad into hunting. He died a few years ago. Same demon.'_

_'Did you get it?'_

_'The demon? Oh yeah. Got him good.' Dean smiled a little forlornly. 'No way out of this life once you're in it though.'_

_'I get that. Grandpa told me all sorts of tales before he died. Left me everything.' You sighed. 'But it was never for me. Saw a vampire once. Some hunters came through after a nest of them, and I tried to help. Just ended up getting myself hurt. I'm not a hunter.' You chuckled._

_'That's probably a good thing.' Dean replied, and you raised an eyebrow at his words._

_'Why's that?'_

_'Cos if you were, you might not have been here for me to find you.'_

Dean jumped when Sam opened the door to the Impala again, bending down to look at him in impatience. 'You coming in?'

'Yeah. Of course.' He turned off the radio, climbing from the car, still hearing the lyrics of the song echoing in his head.

“ _Some search, never finding a way_  
Before long, they waste away  
I found you, something told me to stay  
I gave in, to selfish ways  
And how I miss someone to hold  
When hope begins to fade...”

Sam ordered in food, but Dean picked at it, uninterested in eating. His brother didn't try and get him to speak further as he watched him, but his expression made it clear what he thought of the situation. When Sam climbed into bed, Dean followed suit, but he didn't sleep; instead, he sat, propped up against the headboard, thinking deeply.

_'So, this is a poltergeist?'_

_'Yeah. We think so. Sam's out doing some more research now. It's just confusing that it's heading all over town. Normally they stick to one place.'_

_You chewed your bottom lip for a moment, before smiling. 'Well, it's only been attacking at night, right?' Dean nodded, a frown on his face. You stepped closer, reaching out to tug on his jacket. 'So we've got, what, six hours of daylight left?' You wiggled your eyebrows suggestively, and Dean grinned. It had taken less than two days for the two of you to fall into bed, despite Sam's constant rolling of the eyes. He'd repeatedly told Dean that they were on a case, but it didn't seem to matter too much to the older Winchester. There was a chemistry between you and the hunter that wouldn't be denied, and when you'd first kissed him, taking him completely by surprise, he'd acquiesced without argument. Between research and hunting, he was with you. Your apartment had become base camp for both boys, but Sam was sleeping on the sofa, often with a pillow over his head._

_'You can't stay, can you?' You asked, laying your head on Dean's bare chest afterwards, tracing circles with your finger on his skin. 'I mean, after the hunt. I know you can't.'_

_Dean didn't reply for the few moments, but his body went tense, and then he kissed the top of your head, holding you a little closer. 'It's days away yet. We'll talk about it tomorrow.'_

_You nodded, knowing that conversation would never happen. 'What would you say if...' You trailed off, suddenly thinking it wasn't such a good idea._

_'If what?' Dean asked._

_'If I said that I'd kinda fallen in love with you?' Your voice was barely more than a whisper, but you felt his smile against your forehead, and his answering whisper._

_'I'd say that I'm glad you felt the same way.'_

The light flicked on from Sam's side of the room, and Dean blinked, scowling at the sudden light. 'You're still awake?' His brother asked, sitting up in bed. 'Seriously?'

'I guess...I'm not tired.' Dean replied, and Sam huffed loudly, standing up. He picked Dean's jeans up off of the floor and threw them at him.

'Get dressed.'

'Why?'

'We're going.'

'Thought you were tired.'

'Yeah, I'm tired of your behaviour.' Sam snapped, and Dean's eyes widened a little at the response. 'Look, there's a girl out there that loves you. That you love. Our life is crappy, Dean, but if anyone can handle it, it's Y/N. She _understands_ , man.' He pulled on his boots as Dean slowly shifted in the bed. 'So get dressed, cos we're going to get your girl. I'm sick of you moping around.' He disappeared into the bathroom, leaving Dean to get dressed again. The older brother sat for a moment, before following his brothers instructions, climbing from the bed.

“ _A lonely road, crossed another cold state line  
Miles away from those I love, purpose hard to find”_

The bathroom door opened and Sam walked out, picking up his duffel. Dean followed suit, trailing behind his taller sibling as they headed out to the car in the dead of the night. As they got into the vehicle, Sam turned to his brother, smiling a little. 'You remember what Y/N said about her parents, how one couldn't seem to function without the other around?'

Dean chuckled. 'Yeah. She said her dad was lost without her mom, and her mom just became scatterbrained without her dad around.'

Sam nodded. 'I'm betting we get there, and Y/N is just as despondent as you are right now.'

'You think?'

'I'd put money on it.'

Dean contemplated this for a second, and started the Impala, smiling as the engine roared to life. He wasn't sure this was the best idea, but he was sure of one thing – Sammy was right, as usual.

“ _Dear God, the only thing I ask of you_  
Is to hold her when I'm not around  
When I'm much too far away  
We all need the person who can be true to you  
I left her when I found her  
And now I wish I'd stayed  
'Cause I'm lonely and I'm tired  
I'm missing you again, oh no...  
Once again”

 


End file.
